Column: Is football coming home? Plus six other burning questions

Could football be coming home? Picture: Owen Humphreys/PA

Could football be coming home? Picture: Owen Humphreys/PA - Credit: PA Wire/PA Images

With the sun shining and England still in the World Cup, I'd like to pose a series of questions and spoof answers that might make people smile even more.

1) Is football coming home? Maybe! But what is for sure is that the England football team will be coming home. Let's hope they have something shiny to declare through customs. I do think we should additionally tax the team and give it to the NHS. I'm sure they prompted an increase in blood pressure illness on Tuesday night.

2) If the NHS is 70 this year, why has it not retired? Probably because the government has increased the retirement age and didn't tell anyone.

3) What did 'The Beast from the East' do for us? Well it made a lot of people think about the homeless and how they should do more to help them. Apparently it also made us less productive in that quarter - because we couldn't get to work! Sherlock look out.

4) What has the summer heatwave done for us? It's given us something else to complain about, so we can forget about the homeless people and just leave it to those who were doing it before. Some people have a water shortage all year long!

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5) Why did Great Yarmouth have an air show and we didn't? Our herring gulls are so big that there was no space in the skies for planes. But we could all get behind our summer festival and make that our event. Perhaps we can persuade the Red Guillows to do a flypast.

6) Why don't we have any events on Royal Green that take place in the evening? Because it wasn't licensed after 8pm for music and events. This year, thanks to Waveney District Council, it's licenced until 11pm and the summer festival will include a free James Bond-themed big band concert evening to celebrate on July 21. Will you be there with your shaken, not stirred cocktail?

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7) If high street banks are closing branches, is that why food banks are so popular? No, it's just a sign of the times. Thank goodness for those who donate food and the Lowestoft Community Church for running it. Next time you shop, donate something to help.

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