Rats

RATS of Lowestoft

With apologies to Robert Browning

Lowestoft town's in Suffolk,

By famous district Waveney,

The River Waveney, deep and wide

Washes its wall on the southern side,

A pleasanter spot you never spied,

But, when begins my ditty,

Almost four months ago,

To see the townsfolk suffer so

From vermin, was a pity.

Rats!

They fought the dogs and killed the cats,

And bit the babies in the cradles,

And ate the cheeses out of the vats,

And licked the soup from the cook's own ladles,

Split open the kegs of salted sprats,

Made nests inside men's Sunday hats,

And even spoiled the women's chats,

By drowning their speaking with shrieking and squeaking

In fifty different sharps and flats.

At last the people in a body,

To the Town Hall came flocking:

"'Tis clear," cried they, "Our council leader's a noddy,

And as for our council, shocking,

We vote in our council for them to determine

What's best to rid us of our vermin!

Rouse up, sirs! Give your brains a racking,

Return to us the service that is lacking,

Or, sure as fate, we'll send you packing.

STEVIE SHEPPARD

High Street

Lowestoft